12.7.12 — journal-ing and repenting
I really like having a journal. There’s something about spilling your thoughts out loud without making noise. There’s a certain charm about physically writing your thoughts out rather than thinking of them in blurs. I sometimes feel that when I think thoughts, I never really understand them; its more of a vague cloud of feeling that’s in-between emotion and spoken word.
I started journal-ing for STM today outside in the warm (and humid) sun. Sitting around with the Bible in hand and just analyzing the heck out of Jeremiah 1:3-10 was very satisfying and frustrating at the same time. I wanted my hand to catch up with my thoughts, but I can only write so fast. Something about picking apart things and finding meaning in words, especially God’s Word, was extremely filling. And being able to record all those revelations and questions on physical paper was really cool.
Then I headed to CEC Impact Bible Study. Oh geez, the world is a ridiculously small place. I met someone that graduated from UW and I distinctly walked passed on the Ave one day towards the end of the year (am I just convincing myself that I’m good with faces so I can avoid admitting I’m kind of a creep? No way, God gave me the gift of freakishly good memory). I keep seeing all these overlapping friendship circles the more I talk to people, and I just can’t help but wonder what I’ve been doing in the past 18 years in P-town.
Anyways, our Bible Study was on 1 John 1:1-2:2. The discussion was based on fellowship with Christ, which deviated to a discussion on repentance and what it looks like. I guess because some people in the group (me included) didn’t know everyone very well, it was mostly the graduates that talked while the rest of the children listened.
One of the points that really stuck out to me is that we need to be aware of our sin, especially in college. We rationalize and justify alot of our sins with ourselves, thinking that if we’re OK with it, then it should be fine. The reality is that it isn’t. We have to remember that we are not the standard, God is. The part about lulling and numbing ourselves to rights and wrongs in college is what can damage our fellowship with God and with others.
In terms of repentance, rather than it be simply action, it has to be a change of heart towards God, and an action that comes as a response. And most commonly, the action is to run away from what caused us to have to repent in the first place. As ___ put it, turn a complete 180. We read Psalm 51, and I remember all the imagery and the extreme language, and it really hit me. The fact that repentance is a choice; God isn’t forcing anyone to repent, but he so desperately wants us to that it would be foolish to keep running towards sin. I remember the image of the soul eating the richest food, and I remember wondering why I would want to continue to pursue sin when I’ve had a taste of the greatness of repentance.
I guess I never really put much thought into it, but it’s a valuable thing to recognize and learn, not only to grow in your vertical relationship (with God) but in your horizontal relationships (with others).
Good day, good day :]